or "No Talking, No Kissing, and No Eye Contact with the Clearing Barrels. Those are the rules, Mister."

"Just stick your finger, or flashlight, in there, if that's what you need to do."


We patrol the training base with weapons. In these weapons we have magazines with blank rounds.  The intent is to simulate the environment overseas and reinforce with the Soldiers proper handling and procedures while controlling lethal means in both combat and garrison situations.


A few years back, the term "Accidental Discharge" was euthanized, and "Negligent Discharge" emerged from the ashes.  This transition shifted the responsibility, to the individual and their leadership chain, further solidifying the seriousness. We are conditioning professional Soldiers to act swiftly and safely with live ammunition. Risk is mitigated through understanding and repetition.


Being the caring, compassionate, Soldier-focused culture that we are, when a "ND" happens, we react accordingly. From our Physical Training sessions the other day, we hear "pop pop pop" in the distance.  Our thigh stretch interupted with the unmistakable sound of blank fire. "Get some! ND's for breakfast! Better than coffee for killers!" No more than 10 minutes later. "Pop". Someone was having a bad day, and it was barely 0630.


As a corrective tool, the whole scenario is played out. [Training] letter home to the family of the [notionally] deceased Soldier. Memorial Ceremony conducted by the Chaplain, to include rememberance statements from colleagues, a 21-Gun Salute.  The whole nine yards.


Needless to say, within our entire umbrella of command we are climbing the charts.  What's your record? Pfft, we can beat THAT, in our sleep (ironicly probably part of the problem). Not necessarily the statistic the Boss is looking to grab.  "D'oh!" Achievement Unlocked.


Extra emphasis on "Buddy" teamwork, and the familiar guidance of "slow is smooth, and smooth is fast". So by theory, our barely-sub 40 BMI Soldiers should be Olympic sprinters (but I digress, that post is being drafted and should hit the press soon).


Right now, "our clearing barrells are [not] looking good", and have been taking a beating. Soldiers are starting to getting tired and slip. No bueno. Team Super Sergeant will step up, but now it's classified as reactionary.


Another day in the life. Living the dream.

or "Let's go to war this morning...to save 'Merica"

"The only way I'm dismounting during this thing, is if there's an IED...in our vehicle" says Ohio. True that. We talk big-slacker, but we like to get out and wrinkle it up a bit.

This morning we conduct the culminating event for our Fundamentals of Patrolling block of instruction. All week we've been going through classes and practical exercises for all of the pieces, and today the puzzle comes together and we are "evaluated".

My role is Mounted Rifleman, which is the tactically acceptable way of saying "passenger". "Oh hell no! Grumble, grumble, grumble, hurrumph, huurrumph. There are no passengers in a tactical convoy! Everyone has a job to do." I went through rehearsals and walkthroughs with one group, we identified and worked out a good amount of potential hiccups, and then I learned late last night that I was switching groups (to be available tomorrow for our boss' briefing, as an info resource). So now, as a last minute add-on, I ride in the back seat.

It's cool with me. I've been through this about 50 times. Let some of the young bucks get a chance to work through it. Plus, our job is in the office. Let's be real. Of course everyone needs to know, to avoid a Jessica Lynch type scenario, but our group as a whole will not be running presence patrols. It's a wax-on, wax-off paint the fence type thing. After we make it through the lanes, drop a few Crane Kicks, then they just "honk" our nose, and we bounce.

"The block is checked Sir, 3 bags full!" Stories to follow, no doubt.

Dome, dome...GOOSE!

Just a little tester on the "Insert a Video" function. All these jokers are taking the easy route (I don't blame them). It just got fresh, the most freshershest. Stay classy.



ARRRRRRMY TRAINING SIIIIRRRR!

The Army is as inefficient with its time and money as any large bureaucracy. This especially comes true when training is is involved, as noted previously by some esteemed colleagues. I'm currently in a class that has great information and training. So what's the problem? Where to start, where to start. It's taught (very well) by civilian contractors who I imagine make significantly more thatn I do. Now, if our unit properly resourced thus, no problem. Ahhh, but there is the crux. Only three of us were sent to learn how to form a ream of six. Problem? U mad? I then learn that this team is basically a full time deal, which neither my platoon nor my company can hope to resource with the manpower available. As any business major knows, best way to cut costs is to cut personnel. The military does this as well by cutting the number of people going on deployments. Of course, this does not mean the jobs needed go down, if anything, in our COIN environment, there are even more positions that just become additional duties for the competent. We are tii bloody specialized in the Army and it's hampering our ability to complete missions because the best are over worked and under rested. This leads to an inability to defeat two insyrgencies in 10 years. Definitely more to follow on this topic.

SMART BOMB! Ignorance is a crutch, Part 1

As a person, as a leader, I have pet peeves.  For those who know me personally, you say "no way?!" Shut up, don't mock me...big pet peeve of mine.  Just kidding. 

Maybe I do get wrapped around certain things too much, but they are rooted in something legitmate.  It's not "raaaaaawwwr, I hate the smell of Totino's Pizza Rolls, get away from me...and go find a dark corner in which to kick yourself in the taint. Don't come back until you've succeeding in making yourself pass out, three times."

Understanding what you are saying. Sounds magical, doesn't it? Oh, and this is English, not misunderstanding a foreign lanuguage, which is often adventurous and holds little consequence.

My SMART BOMB for the day is: PIN Number. I'll break this down, for the layman (layperson, get over yourself). PIN, see how it's all capitalized? That means it is an acronym, which in turn means that each letter in the acronym stands for another full word.  You asked for Sesame Street, and you shall recieve.  "P" is the shortened version of Personal.  What's next? "I" holds the spot for Indentification. See how these are beginning to stand for something in their full form? I'm excited too. This is where folks get tripped up.  "N" ACUTALLY STANDS FOR NUMBER! So when you say (or make stickers or program digital text that will be integrated into the majority of gas station pumps, you wretched fart-gobbler) "PIN Number"...you sound like a moron.

I want us to be friends, but it's hard for me when I think you're a moron. If you don't care to understand what you are saying, what other line of bullshit are you feeding me when we interact?

Make 'Merica an even better 'Merica by knowing what you are saying to people, or soon enough we will reach an Idiocracy (c) "brought to you by Carl's Jr" and I won't share my electrolyte stores with you or your dummy kinfolk.

Many more to follow, unfortunately.

[Editor's Note: I'm not perfect, but I tend to hyper-analyze certain things. So if it is my day to be the moron, call me out.  I am too tweaked out not to fix it (or explain why I am aware, and just don't give a damn). Cheers]

Pop Goes the ...

Pop goes the ankle! Two days ago I popped my ankle during combatives training. Combatives is the Army's term for hand-to-hand combat. I wish I could report that the ankle injury was from something cool like a flip or some aggressive grappling that escalated out of control. It was not. We were in the midst of some pretty tame pushing drills (one guy crowds the other and gets pushed back) when yours truly lost my footing on an uneven part of the mat. Twist, pop, and a shit load of pain! Off to the emergency room or "quick care". Five hours later discharged with some pain killers and aircast. Good news is there is no fracture and two days later feeling pretty good (not only from the meds).

One thing that this incident showed me was that this Battalion is full of some really good people. Often we use this medium to vent our frustrations with the system, the training, or some nitwit within our ranks we deal with, but not today. My faith in humanity was reaffirmed. So many fellow soldiers went out of their way to express concern, help, offer help, or provide some kind words. This was from the top on down - Battalion Commander to a Private First Class who offered their own super-duper ankle splint.

It is good to know that you can count on so many when you are at your shittiest.

or "Smother it in Awesomesauce, please Ma'am? Yup, the whole plate."

Good day y'all.  Giving purple text a try, to spice it up.  I have limited opportunities to express my "individuality", give me a break.


So, if you followed along with us thus far (or your backlogging and catching up in the future, yes, I'm speaking into the future for prospective followers. That just happened.) there is a is a budding trend of voicing our frustrations with either individuals, or processes, or both, that we feel are inadequate or stupidtacular. Not all is negative, it's just what is easiest to convey.


Let me flip it on it's ear (old people say that, right? So it must mean something).


The other day, one of our E4 Mafioso (Editor's Note: for those unfamiliar, the fourth Enlisted rank, E4/Specialist, is past the Private ranks, but not yet a Sergeant. They get an interesting reputation because they have been around the military for a while, and usually possess skills at a level that allows them to work the system and get a lot done, but are still low enough on the radar to shirk major responsibilities. Some use this to excel, others to sham. Collectively, they are often referred to as the E4 Mafia, because they gather in mass.) caught me in the hallway and schooled me up on a roster he was consolidating for a bulk order of name tapes and rank patches for our new uniforms (they only provide us with 3 of each, so if we want more we have to buy them ourselves).  He was making the rounds, collecting requests, tallying estimated costs, and then contacting local alteration and military supply shops to negotiate bulk order prices. I don't know if he was tasked to do it by someone else, or sparked it from a group and he took the lead, but regardless, he was/is spot on.  Initiative, professionalism, organization, and follow through all demonstrated excellently.  This kid is sharp, and it is recognized.  Many of the Sergeants have already decided that he is worthy of taking under their collective wing and grooming/mentoring.  That's quite a compliment, and it gives me confidence in the future of this thing. The right people should be moving up and gaining responsibility and influence.


Follow contributor Veritas, is another example of those making a positive difference (other than the fact that he smokes like a chimney, but will openly admit it is disgusting and an overall poor idea).  He is the prime example of a All-Star performer getting worked to death.  The Army, and the military, have a strange cultural norm where those that show proficiency and adaptability get overloaded and burned out, if not regulated. "So and so nailed this tasking last time, just go ahead and make it his 5th additional duty. I want to make sure this is done correctly.  When should he sleep? Oh, that's a crutch anyway. He's a smart guy, he'll figure out the balance." On top of working operations all day, being the primary author of our orders and taskings, studying any changes to our relevant regulations, being the "checks & balances" to most everything in the section, he takes on helping pretty much anyone who comes to him with technical computer questions, medical questions, and what seems like everything else under our umbrella.  This is all during the duty day.  After hours he is has established himself, again, as one of the most approachable Senior NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer, the "Sergeant" ranks) in the unit.  This usually means everyone floods to him for help and advice, which he will always focus on and deliver, even when it means his personal time is sacrificed.


These two, among many others, comprise the glue that holds this circus show together. Of course we all vent to each other and sling dookie about all we see wrong each day, but in the end the idea is to affect things for the better.  So I ask that as you read the frustrations, trials, and tribulations just remember that there are Soldiers doing amazing things on a daily basis, keeping the ship afloat.


Love-fest complete, for now.  If we aren't bitching about something, we aren't awake...back to the dramathon.


'Til Sunday Funday, go PATS!