This week's pass phrase: Bass to Trout.
Mission of the week: Operation: Get Brown People.
Good evening Squirreliteers. You're favorite high energy, slightly spastic, super spy here. This week I've been trying to get some of the local, multilingual, sand people out across the battlefield so they can help our boys coordinate with the Host Nation forces.
This went about as smooth and gentle as wiping with toilet paper made out of razor blades. If anyone ever tells you that working with contractors is easy, punch them in the throat, because this person is probably out to kill you or at very least defecate on your dreams. Long story short, I said "I need this many people here, by this time," and they said "I'm sorry I couldn't hear you because my butt cheeks are acting as ear muffs right now".
Oh well, if incompetence wasn't rampant on the battlefield how would a terribly under-qualified, inexperienced person make 6 figures a year off the labor of under-privileged, under-paid, locals? God bless 'Merica.
In other news:
Under the guidance of Jedi Knight K I've started eating paleo. Giving up bread, eating deliciously helpless animals, and cutting back on delicious compressed chemicals. However this last week I showed the willpower of Lindsey Lohan at a frat party when it came to eating sweets. Unfortunately a contributor to this is that my folk's idea of nutrition is diet scotch and low fat cup of noodles, so while I enjoy the generosity of their care packages, they are more likely to kill me in the long run than an IED. That being said I got some bad ass socks which I'm fairly sure repels ninjas. So far this theory has held up.
That being said I'm back on the kick after donating all the candy and crude to our Chaplin's Free Store (The Agape Store for future reference). By giving away my candy and snacks I'll take away that temptation and with some luck the other's will eat it and grow weak, making them easier to prey upon.
That's all for now. Until next time, stay squirrelly.
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